Logos

Time, just goes. We look back and think of all the time we had to do this, to do that, and here we are over a year later and time, seems to have escaped everything. It’s really not as important as we think it is. It really is not important. Time that is. A lot more to come, first though, this:

Whatever happens to you has been waiting to happen since the beginning of time. The twining strands of fate wove both of them together: your own existence and the things that happen to you. – Marcus Aurelius

 

A Time For Change.

Happiness is not the belief that we don’t need to change. It’s the realization that we can. -Shawn Achor

Yes. 2011 is over. Did you celebrate?

I did, in my own special kind of way. I didn’t mourn losses or think about regrets. I did reflect on how amazing and wonderful 2011 did turn out to be.

It was a beautiful year. And now, I’m ready for 2012 to be even more amazing.

Spectacular even. I figure there will be some pain, some suffering and a lot of change, but it will all be worth it. Whatever it is.

Here’s some reading for you.  Considering how many changes I went through and made personally last year in 2011, I think it’s appropriate to mention it here:

The Art of Change

Happy New Year!

The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly.

…and the l o v e [ l y ].

If they are illusion, then I also am illusion, and so they are always of the same nature as myself. It is that which makes them so lovable and venerable. That is why I can love them. And here is a doctrine at which you will laugh. It seems to me, Govinda, that love is the most important thing in the world. It may be important to great thinkers to examine the world, to explain and despise it. But I think it is only important to love the world, not to despise it, not for us to hate each other, but to be able to regard the world and ourselves and all beings with love, admiration and respect. – Siddhartha, by Hermann Hesse

The quote above really illuminated how I feel about the word, “friendship” and even how I feel about the word “love.” There have been times, and I know others that have had times and experiences, where they are disappointed because they give of themselves, expecting someone or something in return. It’s not that their intentions are selfish, or not honest, but there are expectations that other parties may not be aware of. I’ve been reading about relationships, and love, worth, selflessness and meaning. And honestly, the religious studies class I’m taking just allows me time to think about why: what is it that connects us, why is it important, what do we want from those connections, what brings us together, keeps us apart, why care?

It is really easy sometimes, to let emotion cloud and even persuade our reason. To say, act in a way we wouldn’t, because we react from previously had experiences. Our thinking processes disengage and basic reactions take over: fear, happiness, sadness, you get the point. There’s no, objectivity, no…balance. Friendships and relationships are like this. Many things are like this. How a situation is, in reality, versus what we feel it is based on our past experiences, expectations, and emotion connections.

The part about reacting to situations, and people based on previous experiences is true. Climbing is like this sometimes, and so is making art. If you’re climbing a route you did poorly on, or had a bad experience on, there is a chance you may not climb well on that route again, because of this previous negative experience. Or even worse, you might avoid climbing the route altogether because of one bad session.

This leaves, really, no room for learning. Failing at something is learning. Or at least, leaves you an open door to learn or gain something. Experiences aren’t just about success and failure. If they were then everything would have a worth value….and somethings (at least I think, most things in general) should be experienced for the sake of just experiencing them.

Art too is prone to this weakness or flaw. You can become comfortable with a process and blind to other avenues of experimentation. In some cases, convince yourself you will be no good at something else because you are only good at this one thing. Even compliments and criticism can cripple. If the only point of art is praise, what happens after receiving it? So to with criticism, if you have no faith or belief in the message you are sharing or the process you are experiencing, then the opinions of others, regardless of their validity, will always be the determining factor of your worth.

I’ll say that again…If you have no faith or belief in the message you are sharing or the process you are experiencing, then the opinions of others, regardless of their validity, will always be the determining factor of your worth.

Even the relationships that bring me pain, I love. And so to the people & experiences. Because if I don’t, then I have no love or understanding for myself. And I can’t exist if I have no love or understanding for myself.

Hopelessly Human.

Have you ever tried to outrun yourself. Lose yourself in a crowd, hide from yourself in the stall of a bathroom. Take on a new attitude to fool yourself into thinking that you’re someone else, me too. Same thing every time. At the end, it’s always you holding onto yourself. Out of breath, self humiliated, hot footed, red handed and hopelessly human. – Henry Rollins, “Monster” Black Coffee Blues

Last week I had told myself I was going to take a week off from a lot of things. No painting, no climbing. I was just going to relax, attend to some things around the house, organize and clean. You know, maintain the emotional and environmental frontage, so to speak. I didn’t take a break. I climbed, and I also started painting something new. Not a portrait, but an abstract piece. I haven’t painted one of those in many years. Friday night I decided I really needed a break and I took flight, spent the weekend at the shore with family. It was great. Sometimes you need to put space between the things in your life and yourself. Between your habits and yourself. You can, of course, always come back. I’ve found that the space and the time help me a lot to see things differently. Taking time & space has become a “healthy” habit for me.

Process © ChossyGrl

Habits are funny things. We can find a lot of comfort in our familiar routines. We can even build our lives around them. There are probably days when things just aren’t right if certain things are not a certain…way. I read somewhere once that it only takes 2 weeks to form a habit. That is, 2 weeks of doing something consistently for it to become part of a routine, to become…built in.

Have you ever tried to cut out some of your daily routine? Change it out for something else you’ve never done? It’s pretty nerve-racking right? Maybe the mind resists that change because it’s not comfortable. Then again, people get in ruts with their routines. Wake up, eat, drink, drive to work, lunch, work, drive home, dinner, computer, tv, phone, maybe work out, sleep. And the same thing the next day.

I know people who have every day scheduled. Is that what being human is about?

So, I’ve been trying to change my view on habits. On routines in general. Not having a climbing schedule anymore was actually a catalyst for this, and I didn’t know it at the time, but it has changed everything. Maybe because my climbing was consuming so much: time, energy, focus, I couldn’t be open-minded to anything else. I had no desire or room for new habits…or any desire to change the ones I had. Now though….it’s like this….

Everyday is unexpected and unfamiliar. There is room for everything, but I think, more importantly, I want there to be room for everything.

Untitledabstract ©ChossyGrl

Habits…

Habits are the peripheral vision of the mind. Churning away just below the level of conscious decision-making, they scan a situation with a conceptual eye to disregarding most of it. The theory is simple enough: respond automatically to the familiar, and you’re then free to respond selectively to the unfamiliar. Applying that theory, however, is a bit dicier. Indulge too many habits, and life sinks into mind-dulling routine. – Art & Fear

Assessing Worth.

Redefining value….Ready?

I think too often, people associate value & worth, or value & reward, when there should be no association at all. What if instead, value was experience, or something learned. I’ll try and simplify it even further:

Not what you can get, but just the going through. Sounds a lot like a process, doesn’t it?

My personal belief is this: everything is worth doing. Everything has value. I could paint 30 more portraits and not sell one of them and still feel the experiences were worth my time & effort because the process will teach me something, whether it’s about my skill, or about myself, or even my relationships. The same is true of climbing. I know climbers who will never repeat a climb once they’ve gotten a project climb clean. The climb will hold no more value for them. I disagree with this. I respect others opinions, but believe that there is something to be gained from, to learn, from each climb I do. Regardless of how many times I’ve repeated the climb:

I will never be the same person on that climb. Each time I do it, things in my life will be different, I will be different, how could the climb ever offer the same thing?

So, do things you don’t enjoy. Try things that will never reward you. Expect nothing and be open to everything.

Outside.

A good friend once asked me,

If you couldn’t rock climb any more, what would you do?

I laughed a little, it’s the kind of question I would ask someone on a first date, like, if you couldn’t work the job you have now, or were forced to resign, what would you do? And I usually ask those kinds of questions because it’s the initial response that tells the most about someone, about their state of mind. About how they feel in their world, or in relationship to the world.

So, my friend asks me this, actually outside of the gym that has been my home rock gym for the past three years. I said pretty much without skipping a beat, that I would paint. I would be an artist or painter. Do something creative.

Make things.

I was working last night, modeling for a local art center thinking about this conversation I had with my friend in the car all those months ago. I thought, what would most people do with their lives, with themselves, if you took away all their activities? If you told them tomorrow you couldn’t rock climb, or bike, or run, or hike. All those things that fill time, that expend energy, that relieve stress, that are physical outlets for peace of mind….if they were gone, would people still be comfortable with their lives?

Would the friends you know still be able to sit and talk…and laugh.

Would you still be ok eating the meals you eat without burning off all the calories through miles.

Would you be ok never owning another piece of gear, another draw, or pair of trail shoes, or pack or bike.

How far could I take the question? Pretty far, recently it’s just something I’ve enjoyed thinking about.

So for me, I’ve decided that climbing severed something other than just filling time. I met beautiful people who I am very close to through climbing. It’s what brought us together, but by no means keeps us connected. It’s something we just all have in common. Climbing is something I do because it challenges me, I don’t have to put in hours upon hours of this to be ok with it, or to feel any more (or less challenged.) The challenge is in my head.