Recovery

The test we must set for ourselves is not to march alone but to march in such a way that others will wish to join us.
― Hubert Humphrey

 

On Wednesday I had my operation. Everything went well. I had an option to have my tubes removed as well, since I was already on the table, I decided to take this extra preventative measure. So, I still have my ovaries, however, the uterus, cervix and tubes were removed.

I am looking back to the night before I went, trying to remember if I had any expectation, trying to remember what was going through my mind. I know, deep down inside I was just exhausted, and sitting today I still feel the same.

Things are different though, and the tiredness I feel is more from the nervous energy I have than the fear and dread I was eating through a few days ago.

Do women talk about their procedures after the fact? What do they say? Is it horrible to have nothing to say?

I was by myself Wednesday night in the hospital, with what I expect to be, the worst pain I’ve experienced in my life. My catheter was pulled out at 3 pm, and every two hours I was peeing knives. My belly, bloated from the surgery was getting more bloated by the hour. I imagined my organs inside inflamed and pulsing from being pushed around. My abdominal section, almost nonexistent, stinging and pinching every time I breathed in and out. I cried a lot that night. I know it was part from the pain, and part from the realization of what I had just gone through.

Things have slowly been better each day. I’m trying to walk a little farther each day. The swelling has slowly gone down, and the pain is less consistent.

I have a list I go over in my head every night: getting through this initial two week period where I’m immobile is the first item. Slowly regaining core strength through movement is the second. Starting work again at the end of May is the third. Getting back on the bike for training is the fourth. The fifth is tying back into the climbing rope, I’m aiming for mid June.

Things are slowly unfolding, and everything that was before will still be, just different. Not different in a negative way, just different.  There’s nothing wrong with different, sometimes you need different.

I feel fortunate to be here, surrounded by the people that I am, that’s enough for today.